The chains we love

I am sitting on the bed listening to my friend rant on about her ‘toxic’ boyfriend.He cheated, but this is not the first or second time he has cheated. “I am going to dump that asshole!” But I have been hearing this same song for almost a year now.
So I ask the same question I have been asking after the song.”Why can’t you just break up with him for real?”She says she has broken up with him but next week she will sit me down and tell me “We decided to work things out” It happens every time, she is predictable.
I am not deluded enough to think that love should be perfect like peanut on bread but I know it shouldn’t be such a struggle, it shouldn’t be a lot of work.Yes people should work on their relationship but not suffer.
Most people stay in toxic relationships because they are ashamed, they think they are not perfect, they are flawed so why should they be treated perfectly when they are anything but perfect ? My tummy is too big so what if he slaps me? Nobody else will ever accept me for me,I am too dark,too tall, too thin.
Most of the girls are insecure about their bodies, so once they drop their clothes for a man they want to marry that man, it takes courage for you to bare yourself to someone, to drop your clothes even when you know you have dark patches, tiger stripes and love handles.We all want to be loved, to be needed to be wanted,so once an insecure girl drops her clothes and the man still wants her despite her flaws she will stick in the relationship no matter what.
Most girls don’t have they courage to keep baring themselves for people so they stay in an abusive relationship just because the man already knows how she looks and she is comfortable around him. It takes courage to leave a toxic relationship.
Some girls even think that their boyfriends are doing them a favour just for dating them so they take all the bullshit thrown at them
We as human beings are wired to have the Messiah complex, saving the sinners from their sins. We are wired to stitch the broken people, we love the sad tale, who doesn’t like reading novels about a disturbed male and an innocent girl having a happy ending? Or maybe some of us are just too optimistic, seeing that little light or good in even the most evil person. You believe that you can somehow change the person, bring the goodness in them if you try hard enough. So you stay in the relationship hoping, praying and tolerating all kinds of bullshit with the intention of changing him or her, then you end up in a box.
Some of us just have attachment issues, you know someone is not treating you well and you deserve better but you just can’t let go.A week without him and you start missing him, you start day dreaming and telling yourself stories about the man you wished he was; a caring supporting partner instead of who he really is, an abusive toxic partner.A week doesn’t end without you crawling back to him after convincing yourself that you can’t live without him, as if he is your oxygen.

One response to “The chains we love”

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